Saturday, May 19, 2007

What's In It For THEM

I got a flyer from a friend today and he asked me to review it for content. It was a laundry list of things that were important to their company BUT did not have any relevance for the consumer. A couple of things that were glaring errors:

1. The headline stated what it was (a TIMI Interest Only Loan) in bold large font and the benefits (lower interest rate, no money down, tax savings, etc.) were stated in MUCH smaller type and definitely not bold. While the type of loan is important to the bank, the benefits are what are going to make people want to learn more.

2. It was written in banker jargon - they need to paint a picture of what a 5/1 loan will do, not just state that is what it is! "Avoid scary rate hikes", "protect your interest rate for 5 years", and "Don't get slammed with huge payments" all tell the consumer what the result is, not just what the definition is.

3. The biggest mistake was was "Contact me today for more information" - all about them! A better way to put this is a call to action that will benefit the consumer "Call today to find out how to take advantage of this fabulous loan program".

Now this was just one example of good intentions gone wrong AND I am sometimes guilty of forgetting that there are humans at the other end of the my copy. I will say "large deck" instead of "entertain on the large lanai and enjoy outdoor living in screened luxury". Sometimes painting a picture seems like too much work but I can GUARANTEE that is worth effort!

Always remember that your reader is wondering what is in it for THEM!

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